my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
