are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
