I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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