He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
