At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
