Yo dont text me then not text me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
