Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
