just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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