No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
In America we eat man semen.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize