Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
