Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
