Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
