But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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