Banned from zoo.
Again?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
