Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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