my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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