I think my fart just growled at me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it because I queefed?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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