why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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