My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
