if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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