Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
farters have to be the big spoon...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
