R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
