i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize