Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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