i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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