never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
