I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
