Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
