there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
