look no pants
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
