True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
