what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
