How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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