Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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