she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
