good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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