is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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