I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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