she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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