I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Pants are for mortals
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
