u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
