I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
