That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
