I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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