the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
