legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
