Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
