just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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