someone owes me an orgasm
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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