What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
