tell your sister to shave her snatch
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize