You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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