I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
