WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
