I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
