Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
