I puked a lego.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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