my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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