i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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