so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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