You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
