..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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