I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
