i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
