How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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