Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
