It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
