these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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