I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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