People in love make me want to vomit
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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