allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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