Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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