I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
