you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
