I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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