to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
