If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
