I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
